To her it probably seems like a fairly innocent question. After all once your a teenager don’t you question everything…… especially your parents. I guess to me it just seemed a little, direct due to my whole cancer situation. I did what you do as a parent.. I had to roll with it.
The Doors, The Chainsmokers and a few others I replied. Chloe laughed…… apparently my playlist will be judged …even in death. I have raised my children to question, inquire, talk about the uncomfortable …otherwise how else do you grow as a person or as a family ? That literally just came back to bite me.
I didn’t know if she was asking because she feared I was going to die, was this a cry for help, did I need to take her to a psychologist, did she know something I didn’t ? All these questions were running through my head why I tried really casually to drop my daughter at her friends place and not grab her and go ‘ What the fuck is going on????’.
Turns out it was just a question……
I guess even though I have bred free thinkers sometimes a question is just a question. I haven’t kept anything about my treatment secret and at the moment I’m lucky that it hasn’t impacted too much on their lives. We have always been open to talking about religion, sexuality, drugs, etc ….I always wanted them too know that they can ask and I’ll answer as truthfully as I can. I guess death is just another part of that.
I assured her that I will create a suitably inappropriate playlist should the time come. Something I will be judged on for years to come. Cremate me and put me in the ocean and I’ll be happy. She was happy with that . Weird moment #678 had passed.
Being up front and open about things is hard. I can completely see why some people keep a cancer diagnosis from their kids. Chloe likes to know exactly what’s going and the worst case scenario, Summer forgets so I have to go through the whole thing with her every fortnight, Brad is just flat out trying to wear clothes really. Why we have done it like this is, whatever happens, they will know and have a story to tell. I’m also a terrible liar so we have to cover that too.
Have a good one xx